My days have somehow became extremely long. I suppose this is what happens when you are waiting for something big to happen, it seems that time decides to go ever so slowly right at that precise moment. This is what has happened to me. Everyday I get a call from some family member asking me, how are you feeling? code for: is baby here yet?! My "due date" is technically friday, i.e. in two days, and yet it seems like the whole world is waiting for me to have this baby. There is so much pressure building up and I'm actually starting to get a little nervous. Why?! I tell myself..who cares..baby will come when its ready...but still I continue to obsess and stress and worry.
Today was no different.
I woke up as I usually do, way to early, and went for my morning walk with Ray. It was such a beautiful day...so full of life. We even saw two bunnies along the way. One dead birdie, which was rather sad, but overall..it was a beautiful morning. So as I was saying..today was yet another day of worrying. I went to my weekly 'doctor's appt' at the birth center and they said that everything was going well..that I should not worry about anything..but then the midwife proceeded to tell me that she thought that I might have a fibroid outside my uterus.
This whole time I had been thinking that the bump on my right side of my belly was a knee or some baby body part..and it may actually just be a stupid fibroid. Now what the heck does this mean? Essentially, well at this point, nothing. Yet, I suppose its human nature to worry about things that we simply don't understand. Somehow it bothers me to know that I have some creepy tumor inside my body! It doesn't matter that it's harmless..somehow it seems to still bother me, a lot. I guess this is what happens when one has nothing better to do, we utilize our time and energy in the most unproductive of ways. I really should focus on being calm and collect right now..but it seems like the hardest thing in the world to do sometimes..to simply shut our minds up and make ourselves "relax."
Anyhow, I just wanted to vent a little about my day. I really wish I could have documented better this whole pregnancy journey, because it truly has been a crazy roller coaster ride that I will never ever forget. It has changed me in so many unprecedented ways and I just wish I had taken the time to write down every little detail...overall it has been an amazing transformational experience..and yet it's not even over yet.
