soooooooooooooo much has happened part 2

Tucson here we come!

so part of the reason(s) i've been so out of it..is because one i'm pregnant..and 2, as of sept 21st we had to begin a desperate search for a house in Tucson, asap, help get our house in bisbee rented, and after that spend pretty much everyday packing and getting ready for our big move!

but we did it! we left the beautiful and gorgeous city of Bisbee on october 16th, 2010!

the pregnancy fatigue had began to kick in and my usual energetic 'can handle it all' self was pretty much a gonner...but to the rescue came my awesome sister yesica.  She came down to Bisbee for about a week..and really helped us get it done..and we did...we packed everything up just in time for our move...

it was a crazy ride...but we are now happily moved in to our new home...

it was actually really sad..because i do do love love love bisbee..it is a beautiful place full of charm and natural beauty...not to mention the people that you meet...the volunteers at the migrant center were some of the nicest people i've ever know...people con corazon..and i am going to miss them...but still...i wont deny that it was equally exciting to begin yet another journey with my husband....

my new house does not have the exagerado..gorgeous view of the mountains staring at me from the window...but there are certainly some wonderful perks...

for one...i now have a huge walk in closet :) and since i love to cook...my kitchen is so freaking beautiful! it even has an island! and finally...the best part is that i have a bathtub!! i am literally obsessed with water...i think i was a fish in another life..because i can spend hours in the shower...and so a bathtub...its like a xmas present, everytime you use it...for reals!

anyhow this pretty much wraps up all the recent news...

oh yeah..one more thing...we have a snake behind our house...not on purpose..it just showed up..but some people say its good luck so im not about to mess with it...let the good luck pour in...:)

sooooooooooo much has happened....part 1

Jeez...I feel like its been forever since I last wrote on here..I know that everyone who starts a blog..has one or two of these type of posts...but seriously...it's been absolutely crazy these last couple of months that I have no idea where to begin...my life has literally been turned upside down..but in incredible & wonderful ways...
in short...I'm happy************
first and foremost...just a couple months ago i was still struggling with the loss of our little angel, and till this day I sometimes wake up from a dream filled with tears and frustrated feelings of loss, incompleteness, and pain...yet today..this void feels a bit less empty...

I'M PREGNANT!

ray and i had began trying pretty much since about the end of june, but our efforts were yielding no results....i found myself obsessed with taking pregnancy tests only to discover no hope whatsoever...now that i think about it..i kind of wish i had written more about this experience because it was without doubt, soooo frustrating and difficult...

anyhow...i began to feel so horrible about myself...i dont know why..but to see the look on my hubby's face when i told him the tests were negative, was so absolutely depressing...

simultaneously...ray had been coming home extremely exhausted and pretty much fed up with his job, he had applied to some positions with the federal public defenders office and had even gotten a couple interviews but had not heard back in quite a while...

we felt so doomed in every which way possible...

but like i said...things are different now...as of august 27, 2010...we are officially pregnant again!!!

it feels so magical...

i cried and cried when i found the little faint blue line on the pregnancy test...

i called my hubby immediately at work..and he was equally ecstatic..of course a little more hesitant to celebrate than me..considering the many fears associated with this news once you've had a miscarriage..

i guess he was afraid that if i was wrong..that i might be too hurt to recover...he was protecting me...but like i tell him often...

i'm not going to live my life in fear...this is the information i have right now..and im going to be happy and if tomorrow i have to cry...i'll cry, tomorrow..not gonna ruin the present with the future or the past..not gonna do it...yup. not gonna do it.

anyhow, this (living in the now) is something im still learning to do and to apply to the rest of my life..but i swear i'm really trying...

still..i immediately made an appointment to get my blood work tests so that  I could confirm the pregnancy and also my hcg count (i.e. pregnancy hormone levels)

so just when we found ourselves without hope...we got some fabulous news, on september 21st...we got a call from the doctor's office confirming our pregnancy and that my hcg levels were 'normal'..and literally that same day...ray got a call from the federal public defenders office! he got the job! i.e. we were moving! and we were pregnant!

we cried so much that day! tears of joy and happinness and relief! it looked like things were looking up for us once again...looking up after a terrible and difficult year...and without a doubt there is one little person that always comes to mind in times like these...our little angel..our little rudy...we know he is watching over us..and we know he is watching over his little brother/sister ....
    ........and that alone...brings sooooooooooo much hope and happiness...