My Birth Story

Well it's been a little over 11 months since I last posted on here..the truth is that I've been dying to write but every time I got started something kept me from writing

I suppose I dreaded the idea of talking about labor...it was so much to deal with that I just wanted to move on and focus on the outcome, which was my beautiful son; Ray Emerson

...I suppose that it took me a while to process the revolution that occurs when you have your first baby, and even more so to process what occurred during labor...

but my mind works in a certain way, and I know that I will never write in this blog again if I don't first address, i.e. record my birth/ labor story...

so here it is....

The great news is that I delivered a healthy baby boy a day before my birthday, exactly on my due date, on June 3rd! it was the happiest moment of my life!

the strange news is that my birthing experience was beautiful, crazy, horrible, traumatic, and extremely painful! but it was all worth it!! and I wouldn't have changed a thing. not one.

It all began very nicely, I went into labor on June 2nd around 10 am, my water broke and I began having contractions, I called Ray and he immediately rushed home...he was truly wonderful the entire time ;)...when Ray got home, we called the birth center and were told to come in to verify that my water had broke, we were told everything was fine and that we could go home, we stopped at trader joes and ray got off and got us some food, when he got in the car i told him that i didnt feel well and so he drove us back home where we could be comfortable, things began to speed up fairly quickly...and i was unable to eat a bite because the pain became intolerable...we labored at home till contractions were fairly close together and lasting about a minute each...we freaked out and decided to go back to the birth center to set up, we arrived there a few minutes before 5 pm, when we got there one of the nurses was kind of rude and told us that we should go home and labor there until we were in active labor, when we explained that we were in active labor..she gave us a strange grin as if she didn't believe us....but allowed us to stay once she realized the proximity and length of my contractions...till this point I had not had a single ultrasound or used the doppler, so some of the midwives were very nervous asking me to reconsider getting one, I continued to refuse but was told they needed to monitor the heartbeat at the very least every now and then to make sure the baby was okay...which we agreed to do...at that point I was so very scared with all the things they tell you.  We chose a birthing room with a big bathtub and we labored in multiple positions, we used the bouncing ball, the bed, on my knees, and eventually the water, it was truly a beautiful experience, we had our music, and the nurse and midwife that attended me were incredible...they were like angels comforting me and supporting us in the process, the warm water felt so wonderful and eased the pain and pressure I felt on my back, by 11 pm I was fully dialated to 10 cm without medications, neither Ray nor I could believe it! we almost could see the finish line, I then began to push, and push, and push...the midwife asked us if we wanted a photo, and we were so unbelievably excited, the pain was unbearable but the joy and anticipation of holding our little one kept us going.  But then, we hit a roadblock, after pushing and pushing into 1 or 2 in the morning, the midwife advised that I needed to rest and take a break that I had been pushing for way too long and that my body was drained...so she asked if she could inject me with some medication to get me to sleep...I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I happily complied.  Ray and I finally got some rest and we were able to sleep till the early morning, maybe four in the morning, the pain was super awful by that point..I labored again, went in the shower, and pushed in the birthing stool as hard as I could push, the midwife was amazing tried in all possible ways to help me push that baby, and even tried to maneuver him out with her hands, but we realized soon enough that he was stuck..every time I pushed he would come down and then go back up if that makes any sense, my midwife concluded that baby's head was sideways and would not be pushed out naturally given the length of our laboring.she told me that he had turned his head sideways, and that they were going to have to transfer me to the hospital, at that point it was almost 10 am, I was in the most pain I have ever been in my entire life, prior to hearing the word hospital, I felt like I could handle it because there appeared to be an end to the journey, the end being the birth of my child, I was running on all the adrenaline and excitement of labor, but once I learned that the baby was stuck, I suddenly felt weak and vulnerable and so afraid.  So we got in our car and Ray drove us as fast as he could to the emergency room.  I was then transferred to tmc, at which point my pain intensified and my tolerance was null, it was so mentally difficult, that after laboring to completion  naturally i then experienced the full length of a hospital stay, all the technology, epidural, etc., the etc was the toughest to accept, doctor said pushing longer than two hours was not recommended, my midwife asked the doctor if it would help to give me pitocin, but the doctor said it would not help and he would not prescribe to me because he said it would be malpractice, that the only way at this point baby would come out safely would be with a caesarean...im not sure if this is true, but to be honest at that point, I was done, I was exhausted, I just wanted to see my baby and the fear of jeopardizing his safety was frightening.  they told me that his head was hitting against my pelvis, that every time I pushed that I was essentially experiencing back labor and that just the way head was faced it would not be pushed out and worried about baby becoming stressed w such a long labor, midwife said she agreed.  Ray and I talked for a while, I cried and cried and Ray comforted me telling me he was so very proud of me, that he loved me and that everything was going to be okay.  I cannot emphasize enough what a wonderful labor coach Ray was, what an amazing person he is, how much he held me and made me feel strong and special, how much strength I drew from him,\\\\\\\[=-\-\  We then called our family, who had no idea at that point that we had gone into labor and we told them what was going on.  Before I knew it I was in surgery and by 3:15 pm, my little one was born...I heard his wonderful cry and then screamed and screamed for Ray to tell them to let me see my baby...the damn doctors took their sweet time and wouldnt show him to me, Ray came over and kissed me on the head and told me "my love, he is perfect" I cried and smiled and cried some more...then they showed him to me and wheeled me away to my room...hospitals are so evil..why the hell do they not let you hold him right away...i know they do with natural labor, but with caesareans they take the baby and it feels awful! he's yours damnit! thankfully, ray stayed with him, they did respect my birth plan and didnt do any stupid tests and brought him straight to the bedroom with me, when I arrived to my room, my parents were there waiting for me, i saw my moms face and i felt this natural bond and need to hold her, she told me everything was okay, i was then allowed to breastfeed and hold my ray emerson, it was such a beautiful experience, he absolutely knew exactly what to do, I was so happy despite feeling so damn numb from the freaking epidural, and then the family began pouring in, everyone came out to see us, it was a crazy experience and indeed i guess i'm really proud of us...ray and i are a team, and i love him (i absolutely love him) and even more so i'm in love with our son, we are a family :')